just being


I want to be happy. I really do. And sometimes I feel like I really am. But everyday it gets more difficult to get out of bed. Everyday I set my alarm early enough to wake up at 9 or 10 am. Everyday I snooze it until 1 am. That means I press the snooze button 20 to 25 times.

I feel like I have nothing going for me. I’m just enough of everything to not really be anything. I dabble in so many different things but I’m an expert at nothing. How does that saying go? Jack of all trades, Master of none.

My sister went to England this week. I really wanted to go too. I think I would have died to go (no literally if someone wanted to trade the chance to travel the world for my soul, I’d be signing that contract right away). But I couldn’t because I have exams that I’m probably not even going to do well on, aside from the fact that all I do is study. I’m supposed to be studying for business statistics, but instead I’m lying in bed writing this.

I just don’t have the motivation or determination to get up and do something. I don’t want to try because I always fail. I wish I was good at something. I wish I had a passion for something. I wish I had a real reason to get up from my bed.

I don’t have anything.

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2 Comments

  1. Jack of all trades, a master of none. But oftentimes better than a master of one. Force yourself to be a yes man. I feel like what you explained constantly and so challenged myself to do as much as possible. Tests and trivial things like that are going to be meaningless years from now but your saying yes to what the world offers you is how you make memories, even if it seems like it isn’t extraordinary. It’s your life and you are the master of IT. Do lots and live on your own terms.

    Liked by 1 person

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